Ty Cobb Backer 0:00

Episode 351. When did we become so afraid to be bored? We have a kind of a belief system that either we're gonna push you up, we're gonna push you out. I don't wanna be around five other people that aren't pushing themselves to succeed.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Success isn't about taking, but giving value first. Compensation follows contribution always. This is true. Authenticity every week, this is our story. We share with you our journey, we share with you our scars. Please welcome your host, Ty Cobb Backer.

Ty Cobb Backer 0:33

Hey,

Welcome To Behind The Tool Belt

Ty Cobb Backer 0:34

hey, welcome back, everybody, to Behind the Tool Belt, the podcast where we talk about leadership, business, personal growth, culture, and lessons we learn while we are still doing the work. I'm your host, Ty Cobb Backer, and today is episode 351. Man, 351. I think we're getting close to seven years. Gotta be. I don't know what that number is. I gotta look it up. I did know it. I had it somewhere, but I don't know what the hell I did with it.

Swing For Recovery And Industry Unity

Ty Cobb Backer 1:07

But before we get started today, I just want to remind everyone about swing for recovery. In two weeks, Regents Glen. Roofers in recovery. Paul Reed himself will be here October 5th. Michael Ibelity, his mother, will be here as well. And I believe both of them will have something to say before we tee off. It'll be a special time. If you haven't signed up yet, please, please sign up. I don't care if you know how to golf or not. That's not what it's about. It's about our industry for that day coming together. And I mean, we have other local roofing contractors that are participating. We have some that are just sponsoring holes. We have damn near every single frickin' manufacturer, actually, distribution, ABC, SRS, Universal Supply, J and L. I mean, everybody, everybody's coming together. Certainty, GAF. You would be, you, I think you would be pretty impressed when you would see all of these people networking, rubbing elbows, sharing stories with each other, whether it's at the you know, at the food truck that Mark Jones is providing or at the at the dinner afterwards, you'll you'll see it. It's pretty amazing. It's pretty touching actually to see every single one of those people sitting in that room, whether they know it or not, are connected in one way, shape, or form. And that is through us, TC Backer Construction. Whether they know it or not, they do business with each other, whether directly or indirectly through us. And that's pretty cool. I think that's a pretty cool thing to to watch and and to you know per per prevent, not prevent, but perform, I guess, a stage for present a stage for all of us to get together on that one very special day. And there's actually three this year. Steven Spence, the founder of Swing for Recovery. I'm sorry, I got indigestion a little bit for some reason today. Steven Spence, the the founder of Swing for Recovery. He his event will be held Monday, the the 21st, down in uh Baltimore, Maryland. And then there is another company who's throwing an event together as well down in the state of Florida. Which I don't think we're gonna make it to that one. It depends on the the time of year. But I'm super excited about Paul and Georgetta Epality will be here. Mike's mom, an amazing human being, a wonderful woman. You will definitely see where Mike has gotten his amazing traits from in character and the human being that that he is, where that all came from. So,

When Did We Fear Boredom

Ty Cobb Backer 4:20

anyhow, today today I actually I want to ask you guys a question that that I believe I believe most of us need to seriously think about. And and that is when did we become so afraid to be bored? And bored, maybe bored's not the right word, but but when was the last time that you genuinely had nothing to do? And then I don't mean you had nothing important to do, so you decided to just watch television. I I don't mean you were waiting for an appointment, so you started answering emails. I mean, I mean you had 15 minutes with absolutely nothing demanding your attention, and you didn't immediately reach for something. No phone, no podcast, no music, no television, no scrolling, no checking emails, no trying to be productive. Vic and I talked a little bit about this right before the podcast here because old Vicky Dicky talk and Tina went on a little vacay for their anniversary. What how many years? 24 years. Happy anniversary, buddy. Thank you. Yeah, man. Happy anniversary to you and Tina and the whole families. But just spend some time with your thoughts and a little bit of empty space. Okay, when was the last time that happened? Okay, I can't tell you. I can't tell you what that last time it was for me. You know, maybe the better question is how long could you handle it before you started feeling very, very uncomfortable? Okay, because because there was a time when waiting in line, sitting on a porch, driving somewhere, or having 15 minutes with nothing to do meant exactly that. Okay, you had nothing to do. Now, nowadays, every empty second can be filled with a screen, a podcast, a notification, a video, a text message, an email, doom scrolling, endlessly doom scrolling. We have almost completely eliminated the empty moments from our lives. Think about that for a minute. But maybe, but maybe boredom wasn't something we needed to eliminate. And maybe boredom's not the right word, but I'll I'll figure that out. Let let's let's unpack this a little bit here. Okay. Maybe boredom was was where some of our thinking happened. Okay. Maybe it was where creativity happened. Maybe it was where self-reflection happened. Maybe maybe it was where we noticed something about ourselves that we had been too busy or too distracted to see. So so today, I want to talk about boredom. I want to talk about stillness, constant stimulation, creativity, focus, and and and what what we might discover if we stopped trying to fill every empty moment of our lives. Okay. So think about what happens. Think about what happens when you're standing in line somewhere. Okay. You have maybe, I don't know, two, three minutes before it's your turn. Okay. What do you do? I know what I do. Grab the old cell phone. I pull it out. I act like I'm doing something. Start, I don't know, checking emails, doom scrolling, whatever. We're, or what let's say we're we're waiting to meet someone at a restaurant. We pull out our phone. We sit down in a doctor's office. We're we're waiting in the lobby, right? We pull out our phones. We're we're at a stoplight. Okay. And and some of us pull out our phones. Shit, some of us pull out our phones. I think we get bored driving. And next thing you know, you're doing scrolling social media or checking emails or responding to text messages, doing 80 miles an hour. It's like it's almost become a reflex. Okay. We don't even consciously decide to do it anymore. The second there's a gap in our attention, we fill it. Okay. And listen, I'm not against phones. I love freaking phones. I love technology. I am not against podcasts. Obviously, I host one. Okay. I love learning. I love listening to other leaders. I love discovering new ideas. I love having information available whenever I need it. Okay. Technology

Information Noise Versus Real Wisdom

Ty Cobb Backer 9:28

has created opportunities that didn't exist years ago. Okay. But even even something good can become can can become unhealthy when when there's never a break from it. Even good information can can become noise when when we when we never give ourselves time to actually process it. Okay. We can consume one podcast after another, watch one leadership video after another, read one good book after another, attend one conference after another, and still never slow down long enough to ask, what do I actually think about any of this? What does this mean for my life? What should I be doing differently? What do I believe? What have I learned? Right. And I've done every single one of these things I've mentioned. I went from book to book to podcast to podcast. And I can't even tell you on both hands and feet how many conventions we've gone to. Okay. And then walk away from all of it and couldn't even tell you one thing that I heard or listened or gained from it because of just the the overload, the amount of information that I was trying to jam into my brain at one time. Okay. We are taking in more information than ever before, but but are but are we giving ourselves enough room to actually think? Okay, because consuming information and developing wisdom are not the same thing. Okay. Wisdom usually requires reflection, and reflection usually requires some form of space. Okay.

Life Before Smartphones And Imagination

Ty Cobb Backer 11:29

So let's think about life before smartphones. Okay. I know some of us depends on your age, can't even doesn't even know what life looks like without a freaking smartphone. Okay. But let's let's think about it. Let's think about life before smartphones. What did we do when we were waiting for something? What did we do? Sometimes we talked to the person beside us. Sometimes we looked around. Sometimes we stared out the window, daydreaming. Okay. Sometimes we were planning. Sometimes we were worrying. Sometimes we were we were playing those playing conversations, you know, through our heads. And sometimes shit, we noticed the weather and the people around us and or or what was actually happening in the room. And sometimes we were just simply bored. Okay. We didn't always like it, but we survived it. The kids. Shit. As kids. When when we told our parents that we were bored, they didn't hand us a device and and with with unlimited entertainment. A lot of times they said something like, Go find something to do. Get out of the house. And we did. And when we did, shit, we built we built stuff. We took stuff apart. We went outside. We rode bikes. We invented games. We used our freaking imaginations. And sometimes boredom became the starting point for creativity because there wasn't an endless list of options waiting on a screen. We had to create entertain entertainment. We had to learn how to entertain ourselves. And today we don't have to create very much. Someone else has already created something for us to watch, to listen, to read, to like, to share, or to react to. And because entertainment is always available, we rarely have to sit through the uncomfortable beginning of boredom long enough to discover why what might come after it. Maybe boredom is not the destination. Maybe boredom is the doorway. Think about that for a minute. Okay. But we keep turning around before we walk through it. Okay.

The Questions Silence Makes Louder

Ty Cobb Backer 14:14

Why do we feel the need the need to eliminate boredom? Okay. Unfortunately or fortunately, it it has become part of it. I think I think we have trained ourselves to reach for stimulation. Okay. But I believe there may be something deeper. I think there might be something deeper going on. Okay. Sometimes we don't want to be alone with our own thoughts. Okay. Because when the noise stops, certain questions get louder. Am I happy with where my life is going? Am I being the leader my team needs? Am I being the parent that my family needs? Am I spending enough time with my family? Am I avoiding the conversation I know I need to have? Is there a decision I have been putting off? Is there an area of my life that looks successful from the outside but doesn't feel right on the inside? Those aren't always comfortable questions. And when we constantly surround ourselves with noise, we can avoid them. Every single one of those things that I've mentioned are definitely things that I've avoided. We can convince ourselves that we are too busy to think about things. But sometimes busyness isn't always the reason we don't reflect. Sometimes busyness is how we avoid reflecting. That doesn't mean every quiet moment has to become some deep, life-changing experience. Sometimes sitting quietly is just sitting quietly. But when we never allow silence into our lives, we may be missing what that silence is actually trying to show us. Okay, think about that. It's pretty I know I'm I'm getting pretty freaking deep here this morning. I don't even know where that shit came from, but sometimes I can get deep. I was trying to get deep with Vic earlier. Now I know that might sound a little weird, but we were having a pretty deep conversation about I don't even want to get in, that's a whole other podcast coming. The difference between aspiring, motivating, encouraging, and influencing people. That'll that'll come next. Anyhow, boredom.

Boredom Versus Stillness For Leaders

Ty Cobb Backer 16:59

Boredom versus stillness. I think I think okay, it is also important to recognize the difference between the two, between boredom and stillness, because boredom often feels like there's nothing happening, and I need something to happen. Okay, and and stillness, I think nothing needs to happen right now. I think that's what that feels like. And that's a there's a big difference because for me, boredom feels restless, and stillness feels intentional. Okay, boredom, boredom, I think ask, like what can I consume? And stillness ask, what can I notice? What can I slow down? Take a deep breath, and what can I notice? Okay, and I believe, I believe skillness, skillness, stillness is a skill, okay, for me, right? Like I have to practice stillness because I I always have to be doing something. I always always check my emails, check my text message, scroll Facebook. I I I gotta stay on top of it. I gotta, I can't let things fall through direct. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta just gotta go, right? But I think there's a time and a place where we all need, you know, and I don't want the wrong person to hear this too, because I'm not talking to you lazy mofos out there. I'm talking to you one percenters that are out there kicking ass and changing changing people's lives. Okay, so let's not get that confused. We're like sitting around Doom Scrolling for, yeah, I'm not talking about Doom Scrolling. I'm not even talking about picking up a book, even though reading books, for me, I find a lot of stillness while reading books and and find a lot of creativity, and that's where my imagination can run. Okay. So that doesn't mean you can't sit down and read a book for 15 minutes and reflect upon it for another 15 minutes. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Okay, and taking it in, actually taking it in and allowing your imagination to run wild. What happened to that? Okay, is that even possible anymore? Okay, it doesn't always come naturally, not for me, especially when we have conditioned ourselves to constantly move, constantly chat, constantly listen, and constantly respond. Okay, for for for us entrepreneurs and leaders and people who are trying to change the world, stillness can be especially difficult. Okay, we are wired to solve problems. We are always looking for the next opportunity, the next goal, the next person who needs help, the next customer who needs an answer or the next issue that needs to be handled. There's always something we could be doing. Okay, but just because we could be doing something doesn't mean we should be doing something every second of the day. Sometimes the most productive thing a leader or a person can do is stop taking in information and start thinking. Okay. And as leaders, we are expected to make decisions. But good decisions, they don't always happen in the middle of constant activity. Sometimes we need distance from the situation. Sometimes we need to step out of the noise. Sometimes we need to give our minds enough room to connect to things we didn't realize were connected. And many of our best ideas don't show up when we're when we're staring at a computer trying to force them. Okay. Shit, sometimes they show up while while we're mowing the grass and working with our hands and sitting outside or doing something that gives our minds room to wander. Okay. Think about where your best ideas usually happen. That location is actually trying to tell you something. Okay. Maybe, maybe it isn't in the shower it itself that that produces that idea. Maybe it is the fact that a few minutes you're not responding to a notification, you're not reading an email, you're not participating in a meeting, you're not consuming someone else's opinion. Your mind finally has enough, enough breathing room to create something of its own. Okay, we should pay attention to that because if our Best ideas happen when our minds are free. Why are we designing lives where our minds are almost never free? It's crazy. It's almost insane. So anyhow. Who's out there? Exercise the 24-hour rule before making significant decisions. I find it has helped me make the correct decision almost every time. Absolutely. Sometimes you just gotta sleep on it, bro. Love that. You know, and I love learning. I I believe leaders should read. I believe we should listen to people who challenge us. I believe we should study business, leadership, culture, communication, and personal development. I believe in all of that wholeheartedly on a daily basis. Okay. But here's something I've had I've had to think about. There

Learning As A Way To Avoid Action

Ty Cobb Backer 23:13

can come a point where taking in more information becomes a substitute for acting on what we already know. We listen to another podcast instead of making the phone call. We watch another video instead of having a difficult conversation. We read another book instead of practicing the lessons from the last book. We search for another answer instead of sitting quietly admitting that we may already know what needs to be done. I'm so guilty of this. And sometimes we don't need more information. Sometimes we need more reflection. Sometimes we need more stillness. Sometimes we need to stop asking what another person thinks and ask ourselves what we believe. That doesn't mean we ignore wise counsel. It means we give ourselves enough space to process the counsel that we received. We can't pour water into a cup that is already overflowing. Okay. At some point, you have to stop pouring and look at what is already there. Okay, and here's another question. Okay.

Focus, Presence, And Attention Drift

Ty Cobb Backer 24:40

Does constantly filling every empty moment affect our ability to focus on one thing? I believe it can. Because when we train ourselves to switch inputs every second, focusing on one thing begins to feel unusually difficult. We read a paragraph and check our phone. We work on a project and open another browser tab. We sit in a meeting and glance at a notification. We watch a movie while scrolling through something else. You know, then we wonder why our attention feels divided. Okay. We are trying to be everywhere, which often means we are not completely present anywhere. Let me say that again. We are trying to be everywhere, which often means we are not completely present anywhere. Does that sound familiar? Deep conversations require attention. Creative work requires attention. Problem solving requires attention. Relationships require attention. Leadership requires attention. Okay. The people around us tell can can tell when they have our full attention. And they can tell when they don't. But we can't give other people something we no longer know how to control. It's almost like we can't even control it anymore. If our attention, if our attention belongs to every notification, every alert, every every monetary urge, then it doesn't really belong to us anymore. Okay. So before I go, before we keep going here, I I want we've been doing a poll, and I actually I I think I'm gonna give us a challenge too. So

The 15-Minute No-Input Challenge

Ty Cobb Backer 26:48

so let's let's do let's let's do this. You suddenly have 15 minutes with absolutely nothing to do. What happens first? Okay, a grab my phone, b turn on music or podcast, C find something to do, or D enjoy the silence, okay? You suddenly have 15 minutes with absolutely nothing to do. Okay, are you gonna grab your phone? You're gonna turn on podcasts, you're gonna turn on music, you're gonna find something to do, or are you going to enjoy the silence? Be honest. Don't choose the answer you think sounds best. Choose the one you would actually do. Okay, drop your answer in the comments, A, B, C, or D. There's gonna be no judgment because I've done absolutely every single one of them. Grab my phone, turn on podcast, find something else to do. And there has been moments where I've actually enjoyed the silence. So grab my phone. A that's me. So anyhow, for most of us, I think the honest answer will probably be the first three. Any of the any of the first three, Pete? Yep. A pick A. John number three. Yep. Admittedly. Nah, man, D for me. D for me, kids. I'm gonna enjoy the silence. I'm gonna try. Okay. The purpose of this question isn't to make anybody feel guilty. You know, actually, I think hopefully we can start looking at stuff. Right. It is it is to help us notice our habits. Okay, because we cannot change a habit we refuse to notice. And hopefully I brought that to your mind. So here's my challenge for the week. Okay, create 15 minutes with no input, not 15 minutes to catch up on emails, and not 15 minutes to organize your calendar or or scroll social media, 15 minutes with no phone, no podcast, no music, no television, no computer, no book, and no pressure to produce anything. Okay. You sit anywhere, somewhere. You can take a walk, you can drive without turning on anything, you can sit on the porch, stare out the window. I don't give a shit. Just 15 minutes. 15 minutes without someone else speaking into it. Okay, without anyone else or anything else speaking into your mind. At first, I can almost guarantee you it's gonna be uncomfortable. You may think of 10 things you should be doing. I know I have. I know I do. Hard to shut it off. You may instinctively reach for your phone. I've actually, I'm gonna tell you something I started to do. I stopped taking my phone into the bathroom with me. First thing in the morning, okay, so at night I have I shut my phone. My phone kind of goes into a sleep mode every night at 9.45 and does not turn back on until 6.30. There has been more times than not where I don't even check my phone until I get to work. I don't even, I've gotten into the habit of my morning routine. I don't even look at my phone. Okay. I do do some readings in the morning, but I also give myself some time to reflect on what it was that I read. Okay, it's a hard habit, but once you get into it, it's almost like, ooh, I don't even want to look at that thing yet. It almost makes me sick thinking about looking at my phone before 7 a.m. What am I gonna solve at at 5:30 in the morning that can't wait till 7? I mean, obviously, if if there's a family member that needs me, they know how to get a hold of me. You know, if there's you know a problem with the family or something like that. And obviously, I can see the most of my notifications are shut off, but I think for the most part, I don't, I think there's I can handle just about anything at 7 a.m. in the morning. So, anyhow, try that, okay. And don't tell yourself that it's a waste of time. Pay attention, pay attention to your reaction. That reaction is is that that that that that reflex of wanting to go grab your phone in that 15 minutes of stillness, okay? That reaction is actually a part of part of the exercise, okay? Let the discomfort pass, okay. Let your mind wander, okay. Notice what you start thinking about in that 15 minutes. Notice which problems rise to the surface, you know, notice which ideas appear. Notice which conversations you keep replaying, okay, and notice what you have been too distracted to notice. Okay. You do not have to solve everything in those 15 minutes. You don't even have to come up with a great idea. The goal is simply to create some room, okay, because your brain doesn't always need another piece of information. Sometimes it needs a chance to breathe. Okay. And and the other thing, what you might discover if if we if we would just stop feeling every you know moment, maybe we would discover an idea that that we have we have been too distracted to hear. And maybe we we would um recognize a decision that we've been avoiding. You know, there's so many things that would that would pop up. I mean, and maybe maybe we would feel so uncomfortable and realize that that discomfort isn't always something we need to escape. Okay, and maybe we we would discover that that we are not actually afraid of boredom, that that maybe we were afraid of what we might hear when everything becomes quiet. That's pretty freaking scary. But what if we what if we hear something that we actually needed to hear? But we're not giving ourselves that 15 minutes to actually listen for it, if that makes any sense. So as we close today, I want to leave you with something. Not

Final Takeaways And Share The Poll

Ty Cobb Backer 33:54

every empty moment needs to be filled, not every quiet moment is unproductive, okay, and not every pause is a problem. Okay, sometimes the pause is where the lesson is, sometimes the silence is where the answer is. And sometimes boredom is simply the space between consuming someone else's idea and finally discovering one of our. So the next time you find yourself waiting in line, sitting in your vehicle, walking across the parking lot, or facing 15 minutes with nothing to do, resist the urge to immediately fill it. Let the moment breathe. Let your mind wander. Let yourself be still and ask yourself, what might I discover if I stop feeling every empty moment? Thank you for joining us for episode 351 of Behind the Tool Belt. If this episode made you think of someone who is always connected, always scrolling, always working, always feeling the silence, share this with them and let us know your answer to today's poll. You suddenly have 15 minutes with nothing to do. Do you grab your phone, turn on something to listen to, find something to do, or enjoy the silence. Until next time, keep leading, keep learning, keep building people. Remember, sometimes the most important thing you can do is put the frickin' phone down, turn the noise off, and give yourself enough room to think. This is Behind the Tool Bell. I'll see you next week.

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Thanks to our sponsors, TC Backer Construction, Hook Roofing Marketing, Roofle, and Project Map It. And thank you for watching. Subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Facebook. We are streaming on all major platforms. See you next week for another episode of Behind the Tool Belt.