Big Question And Why It Matters

Ty Cobb Backer 0:00

Episode 344. What if your biggest limitation isn't your team? We have a kind of a belief system that either we're gonna push you up or gonna push you out. I don't wanna be around five other people that aren't pushing themselves to succeed. Success isn't about taking, but giving value first. Compensation follows contribution always. This is true authenticity. It's the true every week. This is our story. We share with you our journey, we share with you our scars. Please welcome your host, Ty Cobb Backer. Welcome back to Behind the Tool Belt. I am your host, Ty Cobb Backer, and this is episode 344. Whether you're listening while you're driving to a job site, sitting in the office, working out, or just taking a break from the craziness of life, thank you for spending a little bit of your day with us. This podcast has always been about more than roofing, construction, business. It's about building better leaders, stronger businesses, healthier families, and ultimately becoming the best version of ourselves. So today's conversation is one that's been hitting me pretty hard lately. It's it's it's one of those topics that that doesn't just apply to business, it applies to every area of our lives. And and and so today's episode is called, what if your biggest limitation isn't your team or family, but the story you keep telling yourself. So let me ask you a question. Have you ever have you ever caught yourself saying what if what if just you know what if I'm you know what before I get into this, I I always forget to to do some house cleaning here.

Community Picnic And Upcoming Events

Ty Cobb Backer 1:57

I apologize for that. Let's hit the rewind button. August 7th. We were having a an community event, a community picnic, a uh community and and company appreciation day. Uh Mark Jones is going to have his food truck here. He's gonna be serving hot dogs, hamburgers, waffle fries. He's doing those dots. There's boba. He'll have boba for the kids. It'll just be a good day to come, network, hang out, and for us to be able to show our appreciation to our team and to our community. So nothing special. Actually, it is special. It's our 18th anniversary. So I think that's that's kind of where the idea came from. Plus, we haven't had we haven't had like a company picnic or a company outing or or just, hey, community, we see you, we thank you, thank you for what you've done, and and give a big shout out to our team and let the community meet our team, and and just a good time for us all to just kind of get together, remove ourselves from the craziness of life, and and just enjoy each other. Just it there's nothing wrong with gatherings. I think the older that I get, the more that I like and enjoy gatherings of family and friends, and and just camaraderating and and fellowshipping and just having good down-to-earth, salt of the earth conversations, you know, no, no judgment, you know, judgment free zone, and and just have a good time, fill our bellies and and break bread with each other and and just just enjoy enjoy ourselves. So, anyhow, there's that. And we got our golf outing coming up in October. Then we'll have the 21 Turkey Salute, and then it'll be the holidays.

unknown 4:03

Yeah, new year.

Ty Cobb Backer 4:04

Yeah, it'll be a new year already. So, not too over your parade, and I know it's only July, but they'll be here before you know it. All of these things.

The Stories We Mistake For Facts

Ty Cobb Backer 4:16

So, all right, let's get back to what if your biggest limitation isn't your team or family, but the stories you keep telling yourself. You know, this this one, this topic is been top of mind a lot lately. There's several years ago, and I'll probably talk about it a little bit. We were going through some. Me, technically, I should say this between my years, I was going through some things, and then not that long ago, I would say about 24 months ago, some things were going on. And I'm gonna probably touch on them a little bit, but but more so walk you through the things that I've learned by going through trials and tribulations and and coming out the other side and helping you identify things a lot quicker and some questions that you should probably ask yourself. So, have you ever caught yourself saying we've just never been able to hire the right people? The economy is too bad. Our market is different. I don't have enough time. I'm getting too old, I'm too young, I don't have enough experience, all these crazy things, okay, that we say to ourselves. Okay, whether we know it or not, damn it, and I should have looked it up. But I think I want to say it's somewhere between 5,000 to 15,000 negative thoughts about ourselves in a day's time. Okay. I somebody look that up and post it in the comments there because it's it's a ridiculous amount of times throughout the course of the day, from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed, you have thousands upon thousands of negative thoughts about yourself. Okay. And here's the crazy thing. Most of us don't even realize we're telling ourselves these stories. The crazy thing is that I think we think, we think they're they're facts, okay, but many times they're simply just a narrative that that we've repeated so many times that we've accepted them as the truth. So today's conversation is about identifying these stories, questioning them, and replacing them with better ones, because the stories you believe today determine the leader, the person, the human being you'll become tomorrow. The stories we freaking tell ourselves. And I think every single one of us has stories running in the background of our minds. Some were given to us as we were kids, some came from failure, some came from successes, some came from from people we respected, and and others came from people who never should have had that much influence over us. But over time, these stories become our identity. So we say, you know, in instead of saying, I failed, we we begin saying I'm a failure. Okay, and instead of saying that business or that idea didn't work, we begin saying, I'm not a good leader, I'm not a good entrepreneur, I'm not a good parent. Those are two completely different things. One describes an event and the other defines your identity, and that's freaking dangerous. Okay. So this topic is is is personal for me. Okay, I've owned a business for a long time now. People see where we are today. Okay, multiple companies, great team, growing organization, a successful podcast. Vic, how many downloads? I just saw it. It was like 142 downloads. I don't know if it was in one day or for the entire month, either way. One week. I would have never thought that. Okay. All of our, you know, community involvement, but but what they don't see, okay, is all the stories I used to tell myself. Okay.

When Life Gets Hard The Mind Gets Loud

Ty Cobb Backer 8:42

So years ago, especially around like I don't know, somewhere between like 2011, 2012, life, life got pretty hard. My mom was battling cancer. The insurance industry changed dramatically. The business wasn't where I wanted it to be. We were still struggling, or not still, but we were struggling financially. Things were just changing and pivoting, and just a lot going on, you know, personally and professionally at that time. And there were moments where I honestly questioned everything. Okay. Like, was I good enough? Did I make the right decision? Maybe, maybe I wasn't cut out to to build something big, right? All of those thoughts crept in. And here's what I've learned. Okay. The louder your dream becomes, the louder your doubts often become too. Okay. You start questioning things, you start questioning yourself. You start hearing those little tidbit digs from people. And sometimes those people are close to you. Like they don't see your vision. They don't, they're not living your dream because of whatever they have gone through in life. Okay. But I realized something. Realize something over the years. Okay. The biggest, the biggest battle wasn't happening in the marketplace. It wasn't happening with our competitors. It wasn't happening with our our team members. It was happening between my own freaking ears. Okay. Everything was happening the way it was supposed to. But what was messed up was the thoughts that I had going through my head. And I think every leader, every person, every parent experiences that. So so what stories do we tell ourselves that that that keep us from growing? Essentially, that's what's happening. The stupid ass thoughts that we're having are actually is what's holding us back. It's not people, it's not places, it's not things, it's not situations. It's the thoughts. It's the shit that's rolling around in between years. And and some of the most common ones, I think, sound like this. This is some of the crap I used to tell myself. Okay. And still do. All right. I'm too busy. I don't have enough money. I don't have the right people. I'm not a natural leader. I've always been this way. God, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

I've always been this way. My dad and mom and dude, I just it was ingrained in me. Right? It's in my DNA. I'm an alcoholic and I'm proud of it. Give

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SPEAKER_01 11:33

me another one.

Ty Cobb Backer 12:12

You know, I don't all this stupid crap. You know, there's been moments where it's like, I'll beat myself up and I'm my own worst critic, and

(Cont.) When Life Gets Hard The Mind Gets Loud

Ty Cobb Backer 12:19

I'll say, I'm not smart enough. Okay. I'm turning 50 soon. So now the latest one is I'm getting too old. Okay. But I remember back when I started in business and I was the youngest one at the company is I'm too young. You know, you know, and and then it there's always the one where it's like, I I'm just not enough. You know, let me challenge that. Let me challenge that for a minute. Okay. Most of those are not facts. Their interpretations, think about this, okay? Someone else with the same age, same economy, same industry, same amount of education or less, okay, has already done what you're trying to accomplish. So maybe, just maybe the obstacle isn't your circumstances, maybe it's your story. Right? So, so how can past failures become excuses for future inactions? The biggest lesson I've learned failure is the greatest teacher unless

Failure As Tuition Not A Prison

Ty Cobb Backer 13:38

we let it become a prison. Let me say that again. Failure is the greatest teacher unless we let it become a prison. And I've done that. I've failed, I've hired the wrong people, I've trusted the wrong people, I've lost tens of thousands of dollars, I've made terrible decisions, I started projects that just didn't work. Every person, every parent, every entrepreneur has done the same thing. We've all done it. Everybody listening has done it. But failure, failure should become tuition, not a life sentence. Okay. The danger is when one bad experience becomes our permanent expectation. One team member stole. Now we have trust issues. One salesperson quit. Now we stop hiring. One marketing campaign fails. Now marketing doesn't work. That's where my head goes. Okay, one investment lost money. Well, now I stop investing. Okay. Can you see how dangerous that is? I know how dangerous has been for me. Okay. We allow yesterday's experiences control tomorrow's opportunities. Okay. Now I want to talk about I want to talk about the difference between being realistic

Realistic Versus Excuses

Ty Cobb Backer 15:17

and making excuses. And this is a huge one. This, this, this is a huge one because leaders love calling excuses. Not just leaders, but anybody, everybody loves to call excuses being realistic. I'm being realistic. Okay. Who's not willing to take risk? All right. There's nothing wrong with that though. And there's nothing wrong with recognizing challenges. Listen, cash flow matters, economic conditions matter, interest rates matter, labor shortages matter. Those are all realities. Okay. But excuses become when we use reality as a permission to stop growing. Realistic says this is difficult. Excuses say, so I won't try. Realistic says we have obstacles. Okay. Excuses says, so success isn't possible. Big freaking difference. Big difference. Okay. We're always going to have obstacles. So what's the solution? Okay. It's not impossible. That's what excuses say. Impossible. No one's ever done it before. I call BS. I call BS. The best leaders acknowledge reality. Then choose action anyway. Okay. I accept the challenge. Let's move forward. I also want to bring up how do how does limiting beliefs affect those around us? Okay. That's a big one. That's something I've been been that has happened and I've

Beliefs Spread And Culture Forms

Ty Cobb Backer 17:17

been involved with on both sides of that. I've been around negative Nellies, I've been the negative Nelly, and it it has rubbed off both ways, right? And I've had a bad day, got around someone super positive, and guess what? It's turned my day around. And vice versa. I've been the positive one. I've been able to move, you know, turn turn people's attitudes around. Okay. However, it can also be the opposite. If I'm negative, Vic's gonna be negative. If if Vic is negative, guess what? I'm gonna be negative Nelly. Okay. And this might be the biggest point of today's episode. Okay, your beliefs don't stay with you, they spread. Okay. We've all heard that before. Maybe, maybe put it in a different way. Okay. If the leader constantly says, We'll never complete, we'll never compete with those guys. Okay. If the owner says no one wants to work anymore, eventually the managers believe this. Eventually the recruit recruiters will believe it. Eventually the rest of the team will believe it. And long and before long, we've created a culture around limitations. Culture follows language, whether it's body language, whether it's verbal language, whether it's attitude. You know, if you say something long enough, right, if it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, walks like a duck, it's probably a duck. Right? People borrow the beliefs of their leaders. People borrow the beliefs of their parents. Okay. Now, think about it. Think about it on the opposite side of things. Imagine a leader is constantly saying, we will figure it out. We can improve. We haven't solved it yet, but we will. We'll learn, we'll adapt. Those stories become contagious too. Okay. One belief I had to overcome was thinking I had to have everything figured

Motion Creates Momentum

Ty Cobb Backer 19:39

out before making a decision. I wanted certainty. I wanted guarantees. I wanted perfect timing. Guess what, Buttercup? Perfect timing never came. Okay? Yes, came. Not gonna say comes, perfect timing never came. Eventually, I realized motion creates momentum. You don't always think your way into action. Okay. It's not like asthmosis. Okay. Just because I'm sitting on my dead ass and I and and nothing does it, and and I'm sitting next to an intelligent person who's very successful, it's not going to rub off on me. Sometimes you act your way into clarity. Okay. Act is an action word. That means get off your dead ass and do something, right? Some of the best opportunities in my life happened because I was willing to move before I had every single freaking answer. Not reckless, but courageous. I was freaking courageous. You have to sometimes just pull yourself up by the freaking bootstraps, get out of bed, take a freaking shower, drive to work, and put in whatever it takes to move the freaking needle today. Doesn't matter what's going on. You have to just do it. Okay? I know it's difficult. Believe me, believe me. Ven there did that. I've put myself in some really shitty situations. But the thing is, is I didn't let it necessarily define me. It was who I became along the journey. That's what's most important to me today. So, so how do we begin replacing old stories, okay, with healthier

Replace Old Scripts With Better Words

Ty Cobb Backer 21:40

ones? Here's what has helped me. Okay, first, first become aware of the story we're telling ourselves, okay? You can't change what you don't recognize. Okay. Start paying attention to your language, okay? I always, I never, I can't, I'm just. Those are clues, okay. I've been practicing this, especially with Jana and Kim and stuff. Kim and I have some pretty deep, lengthy conversations and stuff, and and she'll see that I I find myself trying to correct myself on not being so negative, right? Because sometimes I'll be like, there's no way, you know, but then I'm like, okay, we have a challenge, and this is what we're gonna, you know, like I I find myself trying to change my verbiage. So second, second thing is question it. Okay, ask yourself. Is this actually true? Or is this something that I've repeated to myself over and over and over in my head for years? Okay. Third thing is, and I touched on it just a second ago, is replace it. Replace it. Instead of I'm not good at this. Try try saying I'm still learning. Okay. Instead of I'll never build a great team, say, say I haven't built the right team yet. One word. Yet. That one little word changes everything. Yet. I want to I want to talk a little about the story that built my life. Okay. When I when I look back over my career, okay, the biggest breakthroughs didn't happen because I learned some magical business strategy. They happened because I changed what I believed was possible years ago. Okay. I never imagined we'd have multiple companies. I never imagined, you know, we'd have several offices in multiple states. I never imagined I would have the family that I have today. I have five grandchildren. Like I didn't set out thinking I'm gonna have a beautiful wife, I have three amazing children that are gonna produce grandchildren. Like, dude, no. Okay. I never imagined we'd be reaching people every freaking week through this podcast. If I had kept telling myself that's for someone else, none of it would have happened. Your failure is built by the stories you choose today. Your failures is built by the stories you choose today. What am I telling myself today? Think about that. And I'd I'd love I'd love to hear from you guys this week. Which story holds people back the most? Is it fear of failure? I'm too old or too young, I'm not qualified. It's just the way I am. Jump in the comments wherever you're watching or listening and let me know. I always enjoy reading your responses because so many of us are fighting the similar battles. Okay. I I want to leave, I want to leave you guys with something practical today. Okay.

The Write It Down Exercise

Ty Cobb Backer 25:47

Write down one story you've been telling yourself. Maybe it's about business, maybe it's about your marriage, maybe it's about health, money, maybe it's about leadership. Write it down. Okay, Pete, I agree. Fear of failure. I agree, Pete. So write it down. Then ask yourself who says who says that's true? Okay, where did I learn that? Okay, so write it down. Then ask yourself, who says this is true? Where did I learn that? Is there evidence against it? What story would the person I want to become tell instead? Because your identity follows the story you believe. Okay. And as we wrap up today's episode, I I want to remind you of something that I've learned over the years. You don't become successful because you never doubt yourself. Okay, you become successful because you stop allowing doubt to make your decisions. Okay, every great leader has fear. Every parent has fear. Every person has fear. Every entrepreneur has uncertainty. Every manager, every leader, every CE, CEO, CEO, financial controller, we all have uncertainty. We don't have all the answers. Every parent questions themselves. Every business owner wonders if they're making the right move. The difference isn't that some people don't hear those voices. Okay. The difference is they don't let those voices become their identity. You get to choose your story, not your past, not your failures, not your critics, not your circumstances, but you. You get to choose your story. So here's my question for you this week. What's one story you've been telling yourself that that it's time to let go of? Think about it. Write it down, then start telling yourself a better story. Because chances are the person standing between where you are today and where God is calling you to be isn't your competition, isn't the economy, isn't your team, it's the story you've been believing. Okay. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Behind a Tool Belt. If today's conversation encouraged

Closing Challenge And Next Steps

Ty Cobb Backer 28:40

you, challenged you, or made you think a little differently, I would love for you to share this episode with another parent, leader, business owner, friend, or family member. And if you haven't already, please, please subscribe, leave us a review, and follow us on social media. It really helps us reach more people and continue building a community of leaders who are committed to growing personally and professionally. Until next time, remember, keep building, keep growing, keep leading, and never stop becoming the person you're capable of becoming. I'll see you next week on Behind the Tool Belt.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Thanks to our sponsors, TC Backer Construction, Hook Roofing Marketing, Roofal, and Project Map It.

Sponsors And Where To Follow

SPEAKER_00 29:28

And thank you for watching. Subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Facebook. We are streaming on all major platforms. See you next week for another episode of Behind the Tool Belt.