Rainy Week And A Needed Reset

Ty Cobb Backer 0:00

Man, I hope everybody's doing good. I know it's been raining here up in the northeast for a week since last Wednesday. So I know for me personally, it tends to weigh on you or it does something. Just kind of puts me into like a seasonal funk. But my great buddy Vic Dover meteorologist. Victor Urey is telling me that we should see some sun tomorrow. So anyhow, I'm looking forward to that. And today today's episode is 335 episodes. And I think we're I think we're coming up on six and a half years. We're super close to 6.5. And I'm truly glad that you all are here today to join us. Over the last, I don't know, couple of weeks. We've had we've we've had some I feel and from the feedback, some some real powerful conversations. You know, we talked about last week and the week before we had Bregie Brock on the show. And then last week I dove into it a little bit. You know, people and to communicate well and serve others in a way that actually connects with them. We talked about competitive greatness and what it means to show up when it matters, to perform under pressure, and to keep building the kind of mindset that helps you win. And then probably one of my most favorite topics, and that's the power of one more, you know, uh that reminds us to make, you know, one more call, one more conversation, one more rep, one more try, one more act of discipline can be the difference between where you are and where you're trying to go. So those were all very motivating topics, uh, encouraging topics, informational and informative, I guess, topics. And honestly, they were they were all reminders that that I needed. I needed I needed every single one of those topics because I dive into them, I think about them, I process, it's where I'm at, it's what I'm working towards, it's what I'm working on, it's what I've worked on. And it's a reminder. And and so that's kind of what today's episode is going to be about. I want to talk about something that I know we've talked about before, but it's worth bringing back because sometimes some things are not a one-time lesson, especially for a knucklehead like me. And I know a lot of you guys out there may be, maybe, maybe, maybe not, as hard-headed. But sometimes, you know, we need we need a reminder. Sometimes we we need a push. Sometimes we need motivated, right? And sometimes we need people to encourage us. People who, you know, hopefully we can keep things positive, right? And also keep it real. So but I don't want to stop there, okay, because it's not just about people, okay, and those that we surround ourselves with. And and we I know we've talked about this a good bit, but it it's it's so important. Okay, it's so important, and hopefully I can hit it from a different direction today and and add

Rest Starts With Simple Rules

Ty Cobb Backer 4:20

to add another layer to it, okay. Because it's it has a lot to do about the habits inside of us, okay. It's about what we're doing to maintain a healthy mind, healthy body, and it's about rest. Okay, Vic and I were just talking about, you know, trying to not just physically rest, but mentally, you know, take a take a step back, take a deep breath, be super intentional with our calendars, right? Making sure that we're carving out enough time for exercise and meals and sleep, rest. When do we shut the kitchen down? You know what I mean? Vic and I have talked about seven o'clock, seven p.m. Kitchens closed, you know. And I know just that one little piece right there has done so much for for me, you know, closing because I'm a grazer, I like to graze, and I'll graze till shit. I'll lay, I'll lay in bed. I'm like, I need something. I'll look at Jan and Jan's like, I need something too. We'll both get up and go out and raid the raid the kitchen, raid the cabinets, raid the refrigerator, and you know, and I try to be mindful. You know, maybe I'll eat some grapes, I'll eat some, you know, I love cherries, those black ox heart cherries. I used to pick them as a kid and love those things. And especially when they're in season locally, they're just man, they're amazing. So, but they'll stain, they'll stain your fingers too. So you get busted if you're nibbling on some black ox heart cherries too too long, too often, you'll get you'll get a little purple on your lips and on your fingertips. So, but anyhow, especially if you're picking them. But anyhow, it's about taking care of yourself. Okay. And sometimes I think I feel like I'm being selfish if I do that, but so I want to, you know, this was the thing I was I was I was referring back to, you know, the grazing thing, where you're at in the evening, your body should be at rest and not digesting food. Somebody, I think I read it someplace. Okay, your your body shouldn't be lying there trying to digest food. Okay, so I say seven o'clock because I feel like around 10 o'clock is when I'm gonna go to sleep. Well, I don't want to be snacking and I I stress eat. So, like if there's something big happening or going on or whatever, and it's not, you know, stress isn't always bad, right? Like I just you know, I I get anxious and I'll I'll eat anxiously. And it's just it's my it's my tool. I don't, I don't smoke cigs, I don't smoke weed, I don't drink alcohol, and and food has always been like very comforting to me. And I'm sure a lot of you can relate to that. Even those of you that may drink alcohol or whatever, just because I don't doesn't mean I don't have vices, or that if you do those things, that makes you a bad person. I just choose not to do those things. But unfortunately, eating has been a habit of mine that hasn't always been conducive to my health. And so I'll eat up until the moment, then I'll 30 minutes later I'll fall asleep and wonder why I wake up groggy, wonder why I can't think straight, wonder why I don't even want to get out of bed, wonder why my self-esteem is real low. And I would say for me, 75% of the time, it's what I ate and how late did I eat. Um, and I can be doing all the right things. I can be exercising, I can be, you know, going to bed at 10 o'clock, I can be, you know, doing my meditations, I can be talking to people about things that that are on my mind. So, you know, a problem shared is a problem cut in half. Um, I could be doing all these things, but if I'm if I'm, you know, to thy own self be true, you know, you know, and if if I'm if I'm being honest with myself, it's probably because I was I was sitting in bed. And it can even be apples. Now, app I say apples, you know, when when I do slip, I guess, are easily or easier to digest, but you still don't want to be doing those kind of things. So I I try, I try, I try, I try, I try super hard to close the kitchen down. So, anyhow, got off, not really topic there, but I I just wanted to elaborate a little bit on why sometimes, especially I try not to do those things. If I know I have an important meeting the next day or there's a lot going on at work, I try not to allow the stress to get the better of me and stress eat,

You Cannot Pour From Empty

Ty Cobb Backer 9:25

especially later in the evening. So, or and and or eat cleaner. So, anyhow, so today's episode is is a reminder, not necessarily for me, but I'm hoping it's it's gonna be a reminder for you, a reminder that we cannot pour from an empty cup. We cannot grow in the wrong environment, we cannot become our best selves while ignoring the people, habits, and choices that shape every single day. And you know, one of the things I've learned over the years is that life has a way of you know pulling, pulling on you. Business pulls on you, family can pull on you, customers, employees, bills, responsibilities, problems, you know, all of these things can pull on you. And before you know it, okay, you wake up one day and you realize that you've been given pieces of yourself to everything and everyone, but you haven't been taking care of the person who has to carry all of it. And that's you, okay. And when when you're not taking care of you, it starts to show up. Okay. It it shows up in your attitude, your patience, your decision making, your health, your relationships, your leadership, the way that you lead your team, your family, yourself. It shows up in the way you talk to yourself when when nobody else is around. And believe me, I'm not pointing a finger at anyone because I know if I am, I have three fingers pointing back, and I am talking to myself right now. I'm listening to myself talk because I am guilty of all of these things. And I

Personal Inventory And Calendar Chaos

Ty Cobb Backer 11:20

know why this topic came back up. For me, Johnny, my brother-in-law, Jana's brother, had reached out to Jana, and he, you know, I heard overheard them talking because Jana was sitting next to me and Johnny calls her up. And and the the part of the conversation that I that I got to hear was that he he wants to do another Fearless 44. And it seemed like when he dropped off or completed or wrapped up his last feelers, Fearless 44, he completely went off the rails. Like he just from spirituality to to personal fitness to and everything in between, just sounded like, and I can completely relate to that. Now, fortunately for me, it wasn't like right away, but there has been some areas in my in my professional and personal life that that have definitely fallen off. And that's being super intentional with my time and and my calendar specifically. My my calendar has just been, and Vic pointed out, he's like, dude, you just stack meetings on top of meetings, which is okay. However, I haven't been doing it the right way, first and foremost. Like, I haven't been stacking my meetings with intention, where like the energy can flow from one to the next to the next, meaning each topic kind of overlaps the next topic. I've been going from a finance meeting to a marketing meeting to a sales meeting to this, just all over the place. Just like whenever I can jam things in, it's like I'm running across town. I just wrapped up a meeting with this person, a totally different topic, but I got to go over there. And it's like all of the calories that I'm burning to try to reboot myself and reframe my mindset to be very productive and creative. I've been robbing myself of creativity, I've been robbing myself of energy. And I'm wondering, why am I so tired? Right? I'm working out, I'm eating pretty decently. You know, I haven't completely fell, you know, fell from grace and fell, you know, away from the uh last talent that we did. But things started to to to feel heavy again, you know, and and we I started looking for I don't know, like like this one big change, right? And I thought, well, maybe if I landed, I don't know, one more big job, one more big account, maybe I need to come up with a new business plan, maybe I need a vacation. And maybe that would help with cash flow and all these things, you know, I was looking for like just different opportunities. And sometimes, yes, changes like that are necessary, but a lot of the times what I really need to do first is just check the basics. Okay, if I don't leave the basics, I don't have to go back to them. However, I tend to wander. I'll wander, I'll let my calendar get completely out of control. I'll start grazing again, I'll start doing all these little things, and I'm thinking I'll just work out harder, I'll sit in the sauna longer, I'll do all these things to burn all these extra calories because you know, and it's like I'm just burning the candle at both ends. But I have to take a step back and be like, okay, why is my thinking all screwed up? Okay, how what like what happened? So I I need to do like a what we call a personal inventory, okay? Who who am I spending time with? What am I feeding my mind? Okay, and how am I treating my body for me at this point in time, most importantly? Am I getting enough rest? Am I moving? Am I eating in a way that gives me energy, or am I just surviving on whatever's fast and easy? Am I around people who sharpen me? Or am I around people who drain me? And sometimes I gotta check that stuff, man. I'll just allow myself, or I'll allow people in the room that just drain me. And again, this goes back to being very intentional with my calendar. You know, I gotta ask myself this question am I building myself up or am I slowly wearing myself down? And I found that I'm slowly wearing myself down again. So those are simple questions, but they are they are they're not small questions, okay, because the direction of my life is often, I would say, shaped by the answers

Your Circle Can Lift Or Drain

Ty Cobb Backer 16:35

to those questions, if that makes any sense. There's an old saying that you become like the people you spend the most time with, and whether you like it or not, there is a lot of truth in that. Okay, your circle matters, the people you allow close to you matter. Okay, the voices, the things, the sounds you listen to matter, the attitudes you tolerate, and that's what it is you're tolerating matter. The conversations you participate in matter. The energy you surround yourself with matters. Now, let me be clear. This this doesn't mean you only surround yourself with people who agree with you, and this is where I'm gonna take this probably a little deeper. That's not growth, that's comfort because I love surrounding myself around people that just agree with me all day. Love that things are going my way, right? Until they don't, okay. That's comfort, all right. The right people are not always the people who tell you what you want to hear. The right people are the ones who care enough to tell you the truth, the ones that encourage you, but they don't enable you, they support you, but they don't let you stay stuck, they celebrate your wins, but they also challenge your excuses, they want good things for you, okay, and they are not threatened with your growth. I have been in relationships where I've experienced all of that, but the other side of the coin of all of this is that if I'm going to surround myself around these types of people, there's a couple of things here. One, I have to meet them halfway. I can't let them just encourage me, push me, challenge me, and not accept the challenge, not let allow them to encourage me, not show them improvement, not stay stuck when they're like, hey, you're stuck. No shit. Okay, do something about it, right? And then the other side of the point too is this this is a reciprocal thing, for lack of better words. It's a reciprocal thing where like I also have to be giving the same positivity back, right? So it's not just like a it's a give and take type of situation. And and that's that's very important because not everyone, not everyone can handle your growth. Okay, not everyone's clapping behind your back. They might be clapping while they're standing on the green with you, okay, and you just drained one butt for a birdie. Okay, they're probably very envious, they're probably like that. It's hard to find someone that's actually cheering for you at all times and want to see your growth. It is very hard, and that's why that circle must be small. Right? It it and it usually is and has been. I know for Jan and myself, Vic. I mean, that we don't have a big circle, and and that's very important too because it's so hard. I've allowed negative people, I've allowed envious people, I've allowed stunt your growth mindset type of people, places, things, and situations in my life. And not everyone will clap when you start doing better. You know what I mean? When they start to see you improve, they're they're they're thinking of ways that they whether I don't even know if it's malicious or not, but it's like they're they're attempting to find ways to pull you back to their level. So be very cautious on who you're surrounding yourself with, because not everyone will understand when you start changing your habits and setting boundaries and protecting your time and choosing a different path. And that can be very, very difficult and very hard. But sometimes growth feels lonely at first, okay, because you're you're stepping away from what is comfortable, you're stepping away from from what is familiar. But familiar does not always mean healthy, okay. Comfortable does not always mean good for me, okay, because just because someone has been around you for a long time does not mean they're they're helping you become who you're supposed to be. And that's that's a hard truth, but it's a truth that we need to hear. Okay, you have to ask yourself do the people around me Make me better when I leave a conversation with them. Do I feel encouraged or do I feel exhausted? Do they push me towards my goal or pull me back into old habits? Okay. Do they speak life? Or do they constantly complain? Do they look for solutions or do they live in the problems? I'm sure we can all relate to this and know somebody. Okay. I'm looking for someone who's gonna hold me accountable. Or, you know, I don't want them to justify me being the same as I always was. Okay. And and listen, we all have bad days. We all have bad days. We all need grace. We all go through seasons where we are not at our best. Okay. And this is not about cutting people off because they had a tough week or because they needed support. That's not what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying at all. Okay. What I'm talking about is patterns, okay? A pattern of uh negativity, a pattern of drama, excuses, jealousy, gossip, a pattern of dragging people down instead of lifting people up. If you're trying to build something meaningful, meaningful, you cannot afford to let the wrong voices have unlimited access to your mind. Okay, I guess that's probably the best way I can say that because your mind, and I'm learning this the older I get. Your mind is so valuable. I mean, your peace is valuable, your focus is valuable, your energy, your confidence is so valuable. And when you let the wrong people constantly speak into your life, it affects you whether you realize it or not. Okay, it may not happen overnight, it may be subtle, but little by little negativity gets heavy, bro. As shit weighs on you. I had to remove myself from a group because every time somebody would walk out of the room, they would gossip, you know, and I found myself at one point participating in it, but then it it like a light bulb went off, and I was like, holy shit, they're probably talking about me too when I'm not in a room. Like I had to remove myself from this group of men that I had participated in, and I didn't like it. I didn't like the feeling that it gave me. It was kind of like ew. Ew. Like I can't, like this is supposed to be like the band of brothers here, but you all are talking shit on every single person when they're not in a room. And it's like I couldn't, I couldn't roll like that. But anyhow, the older I get, the less stuff, stupid stuff I want in my life. So I don't want to think smaller, I don't want to doubt myself, I don't want to start complaining. I don't want to start seeing problems. It's the only possibility, okay? I want to start matching the good environment that that I've surrounded myself in. It's funny because Jan and I had a conversation the other day, and we were talking about she was like, Do you think we're negative people? And I was like, absolutely not. I said, It is is there things that we could work on? Absolutely. Especially when it comes to mindset sometimes. I think sometimes personally I can sabotage myself or not even necessarily sabotage myself, but it almost becomes like a procrastination where it's like I'm thinking negatively, but now I'm just kind of putting something on hold until that negativity wears off, and then I feel confident enough to go ahead and pursue whatever it was. Okay, but I don't, I think in general, I don't think so. And I was having a conversation with Kim the other day where I was kind of in deep thought, but I was I was choosing my words to be more positive, right? Like I didn't want to say, you know, and I think the words that we choose to use too can have a positive or negative impact on ourselves too. If I'm always doom and gloom and I'm using doom and gloom words like this is never gonna happen, or this is gonna suck. But if I say out loud, there's a possibility that this could be difficult, but I know we can get through it, or I could just simply say, this sucks. Usually when I think that way, it's gonna take even longer, or when I do face it, it's gonna probably suck. But if I can start really choosing more positive ways to express myself, or think of better positive words to use for situations that may not be the greatest, but usually it's because of my mindset going into it is what makes it suck or better. So if to answer your question, Jana, if we're negative people, I'd say 80% of the time, no, and 20% of the time I would say the negativity is between our ears, and and we're not necessarily projecting that onto an individual or situation. I think from the years of personal development and the things that we've been taught in the group that we're involved with has taught us how to be more optimistic than pessimistic. Anyhow, okay, so you have to build a circle that matches the future you're trying to create. Okay, not just the life you've always known, but but surround yourself with people who who work hard, who who want to grow. And I think that's the benefit between Jenna and I, because she's always been a hard worker. Same with Vic. I think that's why Pete and I get along so well. He's a hard worker, he wants to grow, he's honest, he's grateful, he shows discipline. I want to surround myself with people like that. I want to surround myself with people who are not perfect, but but who are also trying. And and that part matters. We don't we don't need perfect people around us, we just need people with the right heart, the right direction, and the right mindset. People who say, Let's get better. We can do this. I'm proud of you. I know you're tired, but don't quit. That's not your best tie. Try again. People who say, I'm with you, I'm not going to let you lie to yourself. Okay, that's the kind of circle that is powerful. That just gave me goosebumps. Sorry, I tend to get dry in here after we close that door. Voice

Be The Person You Need

Ty Cobb Backer 30:00

gets raspy, all that good stuff. So, and I'll tell you something else. You also have to become the kind of person for someone else. I touched on this earlier. It's not just about finding people who encourage you, but it's but it's about being someone who encourages others. Okay. It's not just about wanting people to push you, it's about being willing to push others in the direction that they need to go in. Okay. It's not just about receiving positivity, it's about bringing positivity into the rooms that you walk into. Sometimes we spend so much time looking for the right people that we forget to ask. Am I becoming the right person? Am I the kind of friend I want to have? Am I the kind of leader I would want to follow? Am I the kind of spouse, parent, coworker, teammate who adds value? Or am I just coming into the room and sucking the life out of it? Right? Am I the only time I call someone, is it because I'm just complaining about shit? Or am I actually just calling them up to see how they are? And that's a good one. I hate when I get caught in that word. It's like, dude, I know every time I call you, it's because I need something. And then we both laugh, right? But there has been individuals that, you know, in particularly when it comes to work stuff, it's kind of like, man, dude, I'm sorry, but how are you? By the way, you know what I mean? But at least I'm aware of it. And I think that's half the battle, and that's why I'm talking about this shit, because this is the shit that's been pointed out to me, and this is the stuff that's that's burnt me, and this is the stuff that's made me look like a fool. And I'm trying to be better today, right? And I want people to feel better by being around me. I want to bring peace, I don't want to bring tension today. I want to bring solutions, I don't want to bring complaints. I want to speak life. You know, I don't want or or I don't want to consistently point out what's wrong, I guess, is what I was trying to say earlier. That is what that is worth to me thinking about, okay, because the right circle of people is not just something you find, okay. It is something you have you you you have you gotta create, I guess, right? Because I mean, it it's me walking into these rooms, it's me inviting these people over, it's me picking up the phone or not picking up the phone. So I have to create this environment because you can have great people around you, but if if you're not taking care of your mind and your body, you are still, you're still

Basics That Prevent Burnout

Ty Cobb Backer 33:15

gonna struggle. I've I've done that. Shit, I've been in a room full of people and felt lonely. A healthy environment matters, though, okay, but healthy habits matter too. I think it, I think it actually matters more, the healthy habits that I have, because it's really at the end of the day, it starts right here. It starts with me. It starts when no one's watching. What are the things? Am I grazing? Am I exercising, resting, am I doing these things? Am I saying my prayers? Am I meditating? Am I doing all of these things in order to have a full cup? Okay. And I think this is where a lot of us get caught. Okay. We want to be better. We want to grow. We want to lead well, we want to show up strong. We want to be positive, we want to handle pressure better, and that's a big one for me. But we are trying to do all of that while we're exhausted, while we're dehydrated, while we're stretched, stressed, stressed, stretched and stressed, stressed the F out, eating junk, not moving our bodies, okay, and and sleeping like rest is optional. Okay. And eventually all of that crap catches up with you. You can only run on empty for so long. And trust me, I've tried it, I've done it, I still do it. You can only keep pushing without recovery for so long. You can only ignore your health for so long before your body starts sending you reminders. Ding ding ding, mental reminders, physical reminders, spiritual reminders, signs. And sometimes those reminders are loud, and I need them to be loud. Okay. So let me say this clearly. Take care of yourself. It's not selfish. Rest is not weak. Exercise is not just about how you look. Eating better is not about being perfect. Protecting your mind is not optional. These things are a part of stewardship. Okay. You have been given one body, one mind, and one life. And how you take care of those things affects everything else. It will affect your business, it will affect your marriage, your parenting, your leadership, your attitude, your ability to dream, your ability to handle stress, and the ability to be present. And a lot of times we try to fix emotional and mental problems while ignoring physical ones. Sometimes you're not lazy. You're just freaking tired. Sometimes you're not unmotivated. You're underrecovered. Sometimes you're not in a bad mood because your life is falling apart. You're in a bad freaking mood because you haven't slept. You haven't eaten well. You haven't moved your body in weeks. And that may sound simple, but simple does not mean unimportant. The basics matter. Rest matters. Food matters. Movement matters. Water matters. Quiet time matters. What you're watching, what you watch, what you're listening to, what you're scrolling, what you think about matters. What you keep replaying in your mind matters. You cannot have a healthy life while consistently feeding your mind unhealthy things. If the first thing you do every morning is grab your phone and start scrolling through negativity, comparison, arguments, bad news, drama, everyone else's highlight reels. Don't be surprised when your mind feels cluttered before your feet even hit the freaking floor. Okay. We have to be careful with what we consume. And I'm not just talking about food. I'm talking about content. I'm talking about conversations. I'm talking about music, social media, news, entertainment. The things we allow into our minds become part of our inner world. And your inner world eventually shows up in your outer life. So maybe the question is: what am I feeding myself today? What am I feeding my head today? Am I feeding my body fuel? Or am I feeding it garbage? Am I feeding my mind encouragement, truth, wisdom, or am I feeding it fear, comparison, negativity? Am I feeding my spirit gratitude, faith, and purpose? Or am I feeding it worry, resentment, and bitterness? I don't know. It's a 50-50 crapshoot some days for me, boys. Because what you feed grows. That I can tell you is a fact. If you feed negativity, negativity grows. If you feed discipline, discipline grows. If you feed the gratitude, gratitude grows. Excuses, you feed it excuses, excuses grow. If you feed it faith, your faith grows. If you feed your goals with action, your your goals will grow. And that's why this reminder matters. It matters for you, it matters for me. We cannot just hope to feel better. We have to build habits that help us become better. And I know, I know what some of you are probably thinking. You may be thinking, I don't have time. I get it. Life is busy, business is demanding, schedules are packed, the phone keeps ringing, the work keeps coming. There are responsibilities everywhere. But here's the truth. Here's the truth, kids. Let me take a sip. Let me think about this for a second. Okay. So here's the truth. If you don't make time to take care of yourself, eventually you may be forced to make time to deal with the consequences of not taking care of yourself. And I'm not saying that to scare anybody. I'm saying it because it's real. We have to stop treating our health like it is something we will get around to later. Later's not a plan, kids. All right. Someday is not a strategy, boys and girls. I'll start when things slow down is dangerous because things may not slow down unless you intentionally slow them down. Saying that to myself the other day. Slow down, slow down, slow down. It's so funny how you get more done when you can actually slow down. Amazing. You have to choose it, you have to protect it, you have to schedule it, you have to make it part of who you are. And it does not have to be complicated. Talk about this all the time. Start small. Go for a walk. Drink more water. Go to bed a little earlier. Eat one better meal today. Okay. Stretch for 10 minutes. Take a break without feeling guilty. That's a big one for me. Turn off the phone for a while. Have one honest conversation. Spend time with someone who inspires you. Listen to something that builds you up. Okay. Write down what you're grateful for. Okay. Gratitude list. Take one step. That's it. One step. We talked about the power of one more. And this is this fits right into that. Okay. One more healthy choice. One more positive conversation. One more walk. One more glass of water. One more, one more better night of sleep. One more boundary I got to put up. One more decision to not engage in drama. One more moment where you choose peace instead of chaos. One more time where you where you remind yourself I am worth taking care of because you are. And I think sometimes we forget that. We take care of business, we take care of the customers, we take care of the family, we take care of the team, we take care of the schedule, we take care of the problems, all of them. But we forget to take care of the person who's carrying all of it. And that's us. That is ourselves. And today is a reminder to stop doing that because you matter. Your health matters, your peace matters, your energy matters, your mindset matters, your freaking future matters. And the people depending on you do not need the burnout, bitter, exhausted version of you. They need the healthier version of you, the clearer version, the stronger, the more grounded, the version of you that has boundaries, that that has discipline, the version of you that knows when to push, but also knows when to rest. The version of you that is surrounded by people who speak

Boundaries And The Tool Belt Check

Ty Cobb Backer 43:00

life and tell the truth. Now I want to talk about boundaries just for a minute, because boundaries are a big part of this conversation. Sometimes when people talk, when people talk about surrounding ourselves with the right people, people think that means we are being rude, cold, or judgmental. No. But boundaries are not about thinking you're better than somebody. Boundaries are about understanding what you are responsible for protecting what you have control over. You were responsible for protecting your peace, your time, your focus. You were responsible for protecting your family. Okay. And you were you are responsible for for protecting the assessment of your life. And sometimes that means you cannot give everyone. The same level of access. You can love people and still have boundaries. You can care about people and still still limit how much influence they have over you. You can be kind and still say no. You can forgive someone and still not allow them to keep bringing chaos into your life. Okay. You want to know that that's called? That's called maturity. Not everyone belongs in the front row of your life. Some people can be loved from a distance. Some people can be a part of your life, but not a part of the decision making. Okay. And some people, some people can have your kindness, but not your confidence. Some people can have your prayers, but not your access. And that's okay. Because where you're going requires focus. And focus requires protection. Think about it like this. If you had a tool belt full of broken, rusty, dull tools and blades and things that didn't just that didn't help do the job, you wouldn't keep carrying all that weight around just because it had been in your tool belt for years. At some point, you would stop and say, this is slowing me down. This is making my work harder. This is not helping me build. The same is true with the things we carry mentally and relational ship in our relationships. Some of us are carrying old offenses, old labels, old relationships, old habits, old mindsets, old fears, and old freaking excuses. And we wonder why we feel tired. Okay. Maybe it's what we're carrying while we're trying to work. Okay, so so today I want to encourage you to check your tool belt. Okay. We what what what what we are carrying? Let me take a sip. What I guess what are you carrying that no longer helps you build? Okay. What habits are weighing you down? And if you're honest with yourself, you're probably thinking right now, you know, you know, you know, what what relationships are constantly draining you? What thoughts are keeping you stuck? And that's a big one for me. What excuses have gotten you too comfortable? Okay, what changes have you been putting off? Okay, could there I got a few. There's a few. I'm not going to share them, but I do I do have a few. And then and then ask yourself, what do I need to add? Okay. At the beginning of the year, and this year and last year, my my new year's resolutions were that I was going to remove people, places, things, and situations that weren't conducive to my mental, physical, financial, spiritual, well-being. So now I have to look at things. I'm halfway, about halfway through the year. I think we're about a month and a half away. What do I need to add in? What am I missing? What am I missing here? Okay. And for me, rest, exercise, better food, accountability, prayer, quiet time, mentor. Vic and I have talked about this, our morning routine. Sometimes I gotta switch that up. What work last year is not working right now. You know what I mean? But it also goes back to not to get off on a tangent. What did I do the night before? You know, what did I eat? What did I watch? How much did I scroll? How much how much blue screen before I before I closed my eyes? Usually sets my tone for the next morning. Anyhow, I'm just throwing that out there. Maybe I need to add people who challenge me to grow. Maybe maybe I need to add more gratitude, discipline. How about this one? This is a big one.

Progress Over Perfection

Ty Cobb Backer 48:40

Grace. Grace for myself. Okay. Because let's be honest. This is not about becoming perfect. Perfect is not the goal. Progress. Progress is the goal. Awareness. Awareness. Hopefully, I'm bringing some awareness to myself right now, and to whoever might be listening right now. Awareness, right, is the goal. Consistency. God, that's a hard one to plan. But I think as long as we have direction, a plan, consistency and discipline come easier. Think about that for a minute. We need direction. Direction can build consistency. Consistency can build discipline. Even during hard times. You are not going to get every day right. I'm not going to get every day right. Nobody. Nobody's going to get every day right. There will be days when I eat like crap. There will be days where I miss a workout. There will be days that I stay up late. There will be days where my my bad attitude creeps in, you know, especially like when it rains for six and a half freaking days straight. Right? I need some frickin' sun in my life. What the hell's going on out there? I'm hoping when we open that door, the sun starts creeping back in. I doubt it, but who knows? There could be. Will be. Sun will be tomorrow, right? Vic?

unknown 50:22

Yeah.

Ty Cobb Backer 50:23

Okay. You know, and there will be days where I'm just get frustrated, discouraged, and tired, you know. But one bad day does not mean I quit. Can't do it, right? Gotta show up, suit up, show up every single day. Right? Just because I ate like crap last night doesn't mean I give up. Just because I missed a workout doesn't mean the plan is over. Okay. Plan. Our tough conversations does not mean the relationship is broken. One setback does not mean you're back to ground zero. The goal is not perfection. The goal is to keep coming back to what matters. Keep coming back to the habits that that make you healthier, that make you better, that that help grow you, that that that keep things real. Okay. And let me say this too. You do not have to do this alone. That seed was planted a long time ago. Big old light bulb went off. And someone said to me, two things. You don't ever have to feel like this again. And you don't have to do this alone. In fact, you probably shouldn't. Okay? Find people who are trying to grow too. Find people who are serious about their health. Find people who are serious about whatever it is you're into. Okay. Find people who are serious about their family. Find people who are serious about their faith, their mindset, their discipline. Finding purpose. Find people who who make you want to level up. Not because they shame you, not because they make you feel less than, but because being around them reminds you of what is possible. That is a gift. When you find people like that, value them. Call them, check on them, learn from them, encourage them, build with them, and be that person for someone else. Because we all need reminders. We all need someone to say, hey, man, keep going. Don't go back to that old habit. You're better than that. I see what you're building, and I'm proud of you. Take care of yourself. You've been running hard, bro. Take a pill. That might be exactly what someone listening today needs to hear. I know I need to hear. We need to take care of ourselves. We need to take care of our mind, our body, our peace, our relationships. We need to take care of the environment that we're creating around us. We can't control everything that happens in life, but we can control a lot more than we think. We can control who we give access to, what we listen to, what we eat next, how much we move our body, what we control when before we go to bed. We can control that. We can control what we're doing while we're laying in bed. Are we reading a book? Are we scrolling Facebook? Are we watching the news? You know, all those things. I'm guilty of all that stuff. I have no control over the weather. No control over that. But I do have control over my excuses. You know, I need to ask myself the question too. Where do I need to make adjustments? You know, I can control the things that I'm carrying and the things that are weighing me down, and finally decide to set them down. I can control all of that. And maybe shit, maybe that's the challenge for today. Right? Set something down. Set down the need to please everyone. Set down the habit of saying yes when I should say no. Set down the negative conversations that that never led to anywhere good. Set down the comparison, the guilt. Set down the idea that rest has to be earned. Set down the belief that taking care of yourself can wait. I know I need to stop doing that. And then pick something up. Pick up discipline, gratitude, direction, movement, better rest, better conversations, accountability, better attitude. Shit, pick the phone up. Call someone who encourages you. Ask them how they're doing. Pick up a healthier habit. Pick up the belief that you are capable of change. Because you are. We know that. And here's the beautiful thing: when you start making better choices, you start becoming a better version of yourself. And when you become a better version of yourself, everything connected to you benefits your family, your business, your team, your customers, your friendship, your future. That's not selfish. That's responsibility. That's leadership. That's growth.

Two Questions To Guide Tomorrow

Ty Cobb Backer 55:53

So as we wrap this up today, I want you to really think about two areas. Okay, the first one, your circle. Who are the people closest to you? Are they helping you grow? Are they speaking life? Are they challenging you in a healthy way? Are they pushing you towards purpose? Are they helping you stay positive, focused, and grounded? Second thing, your habits. Are you getting enough rest? Are you moving your body? Are you eating in a way that supports the life you say you want? Are you protecting your mind? Are you protecting time for the things that keep you healthy? Because the right people and the right habits can change everything. I've done it, I've seen it, I've witnessed it, I've experienced it. And I don't say that as someone who has it all figured out. Not even freaking close. I say that as someone who needs the reminder to. That's why I wanted to talk about it today, because sometimes we don't need something new. Sometimes we need to return to what we already know. We know we need better people around us. We know we need to stop letting negativity have so much of our peace. We know we need to sleep. We know we need to stop carrying everything alone. We know. But knowing sometimes isn't enough. At some point, we have to act on what we know. So today, don't try to change everything at once. Just choose one thing, one person that we need to call, one boundary that we need to set, one habit we need to start, one habit we need to stop, one walk that we need to take, one meal that we need to improve, one night of rest that we need to protect, one negative influence that we need to limit, one positive step in the right direction. That one choice matters, and then tomorrow make another one. That's how that's how change happens. Not all at once, one choice at a time, one day at a time, one reminder at a time, one more. So thank you for joining me today. Episode 330 freaking five. And I hope, I hope that this conversation encouraged you. Hopefully, hopefully it'll challenge you, hopefully it'll remind you that taking care of yourself is part of being a having, getting, creating a better life. Surround yourself with people who sharpen you, who protect your peace, who help find where you find people that that can give you peace and encourage you. Feed your mind with something good. Move your body, get some freaking rest, drink some water. Okay, set that boundary, choose the better habit. And remember, you do not have to do this perfect. You just have to keep moving in the right direction. If this episode spoke to you like it has me, share it with someone who may need the reminder too. Maybe it's a friend, maybe it's a teammate, maybe it's someone who has been caring too much and needs to hear that they matter. And as always, thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting the podcast, and thank you for being a part of the community. Until next time, keep building, keep growing, keep showing up, and keep making sure that what you carry in your tool belt is helping you build the life you

Sponsors And How To Follow

Ty Cobb Backer 1:00:00

were meant to live. This has been Behind the Tool Belt. We'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:05

Thanks to our sponsors, TC Backer Construction, Hook Roofing Marketing, Rufal, and Project Map It. And thank you for watching. Subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Facebook. We are streaming on all major platforms. See you next week for another episode of Behind the Tool Belt.