Why This Topic Matters Now

Ty Cobb Backer 0:00

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back, everybody, to be on Tool Belt. I'm your host, Ty Backer, and this is episode 334. And today it's just me. No guests, no interviews. Want to talk about something that that's been on my heart. And honestly, sometimes, honestly, for some time now, been been working on this, actually for years. And uh last week we had Reggie Brock on the show, and we started to unpack his concept, I guess. Love, love languages of business, and not everyone feels valued the same way. And I was going to try to go a little bit deeper today. And ironically enough, you know, this has been something that's been you know weighing on me. And we had the opportunity to have Reggie on the show last week, where our schedules aligned, and been thinking a lot about this because I've been I've been working you know in the business.

Growth Means Learning To Adapt

Ty Cobb Backer 1:22

We're at one of those growth spurts where uh and have been, quite frankly, and adapting, you know, and that's the thing I think about you know, great, great businesses learn how to adapt, whether it's you know, buyers' behaviors, the generation of new hires that are coming in, the different personalities in the sales department versus the different personalities over on the production side of things. You just need to learn how to adapt, you know, in business. And a lot of great businesses like you know, Coca-Cola or Ford Motor Company, you know, these companies have been around for decades, generations. And and Ford, you know, for example, Henry Ford was stuck on I'm trying to think of how the hell he said it, but he was stuck on black with the Model T. And and he he was in favor for two colors. And nothing but black or something. Oh man, I wish I could remember what he said, but anyhow, he was stuck, and obviously that would have been not a very smart move because other car manufacturers were coming out with other colors, and and to keep up with the times and to keep up with buyers' behaviors, they had to come out with different models, you know, model T, model A. And you can see the evolution over the years, but he was stuck as as you know, he he liked his stuff. But if they wanted to grow and they wanted to adapt, or need they needed to adapt to you know the the economic climate of things. So I don't know what year it was, and it's been a minute since I studied Henry Ford, but he was stuck on black, and his team had to convince him, hey, we're we're gonna get left behind, and sales, sales were hurting. So, anyhow, we're going through changes, which isn't a bad thing, but nobody likes change, and a lot of times with change comes pain, and with pain comes

The Love Languages Of Business

Ty Cobb Backer 4:05

growth. So, anyhow, we had the pleasure of Reggie coming on last week, and he's got the idea of what he calls the love language of business, and and today I wanna I want to go a little deeper today because like I said last week, I believe that you know this isn't necessarily a theory for me. I can actually see everybody over here. Hey Pete, what's up, dude? Bobby, Zach, Kim, Vicki. I know Vicky's in there. I see him backstage. What's up, dudes? My favorite peoples, all in one place. How about that? Anyone else in there? Okay. So, like I'd mentioned, I've been working in the business, and I like being in a place where I can work on the business and not necessarily in the business. So this this particular topic, I feel like I've gotten away from. And I feel like, what's up, John? Good to see you, buddy. I feel like one of one of many reasons, but this one very important is the you know, the the love language of business. And I guess the talent or the skill set would be learning people's telltale signs of what energizes them, what makes them feel fulfilled, what what gives them empowerment. And it's not always easy, especially with with such a large team like we have, but a lot of these men and women have worked for us for a long time. And and really, I think I mentioned this last week too, essentially getting back to basics. So, anyhow, I've been thinking a lot about this, it's been weighing on my heart a lot. And you know, so I want to I want to talk about it. Usually there there aren't there isn't anything that we talk about on this podcast that we're either willing to work on, that we're we have worked on, or wanting to work on.

Gary Chapman Changed My Leadership

Ty Cobb Backer 6:23

So, and this particular topic goes back to back to when Janet and I had the opportunity to see Gary Chapman, the guy who wrote the the five love languages, and I remember sitting there thinking, man, and we were at a leadership couples retreat, mind you. Okay, it was amazing. And I was like, man, this isn't just marriage stuff. This this is this is leadership in a freaking nutshell. Like, this is business, this is everything, okay. This this gentleman's book, and he's came out with several different books that that did actually do pertain to business, but this is where the seed was planted for me, you know, because whether whether it's at home or it's at work, not everybody feels loved or valued the same way, essentially, is is the entire point. And if you miss, if you miss this, okay, you're going to miss opportunities with your people and your family. So I'm going to try to break it down the best way that I understand it today. And again, as things evolve, evolution takes place, I grow because I'm continuously trying like hell. We

Accountability And Finding Your Edge

Ty Cobb Backer 8:03

were just talking earlier. And I'm just going to forewarn everybody that we are probably going to do another Fearless 44. And anybody on here wants to participate, by all means, please join us. And I'm pretty sure we're going to start it Tuesday. Jana, myself, Johnny, Vic, we were talking about it. And I think what we want to try to do this time, not to get too far off topic here, is start a accountability group support chat so none of us forget to do something so it doesn't last six freaking months. Because technically, about six months ago is when we started the last one. And I just kind of feel like there's certain things that I'm slacking on already. And I overheard Johnny talking to Jana yesterday that he feels like, you know, we do so good. It's almost like institutionalized. Like as long as I'm within the institute, I I am the best student, right? But then left to my own devices and left to my own, you know, wanderings, you know, I I tend to wander off the path. And and physically, mentally, and spiritually, I've not that I've fallen off the rails completely, but I just I I'm not working out two hours and I'm missing like that one more, that just one more rep, that one more minute, that one more try, you know, that that fire, that gumption, and that that, you know, that that grit, that fire, you know, and and coming up to you know the second half of the the season right now, because already damn near close to the end of Q2, I just want to finish out the rest of the year with a frickin' bang. You know, next level, next growth level, and I just want to kick ass and take names. I always want to kick ass and take names. Plus, I'm gonna be freaking 50 years old this year. So, and my goal, one of my goals was to be in the best shape of my life. So, anyhow, getting back to the topic here.

Marriage Example Acts Of Service

Ty Cobb Backer 10:13

So, so anyhow, I want to break this down, okay. In my marriage, you know, with with Jana, her love language is I would say there, there's there's there's a couple, I think, but I'm gonna I'm gonna do the acts of service, okay. So for me early on, I thought I was doing the right things. I would say I love you. And we go into this, no, I love you more, I love you most. And it's I think that is like both that affirmation, I think is both of our one of our, we can have multiple love languages, right? Affirmation is one of our love languages, you know. So for her, not necessarily bringing him flowers, don't get me wrong, she loves flowers, but I think if I surprise her with flowers, but like for holidays and and things, like she's she she she would rather give gifts than necessarily receive gifts. But what I think really hits her is like me doing the dishes after I cooked, you know, helping around the house, taking something off her plate. That's when I believe she feels it. Okay. And I think a lot of us parents, partners, leaders are are doing, are doing the same thing. Like we're we're we're we're showing people affection that we that we like, okay. You know, and I know for me at work, it's like I'm showing up, I'm working hard, I'm pouring into our team members, but we're doing it in our language. I'm doing it in my language, okay, because treat others as I would want to be treated, right? I think I think that's think that's what we do, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. What is Pete's love language? Hey Zach, good to see you, buddy. Birthday week. Happy birthday, brother. Where's Peter at? What do you think Pete Pete's love language is? He probably thinks he knows what it is. I think that's some of the problem. I think some of us don't even know what our love languages are, let alone freaking what other people's are. And you know, this is the thing. I was so naive to this stuff before. And it's it sounds kind of woo-woo-woo-y, but you know, I think half the problem is knowing that we have love languages and other people have love languages. And then the other half of that battle is trying to figure out people's love languages. But I think knowing it, knowing it might be three-quarters of the battle. Some people might be listening right now thinking, what the hell is he even talking about? You know, but I knew right away listening to Gary. I went home. I remember after that retreat. Pete's not sure. We'll have to figure it out. Could be a reach round, you never know. Sorry, Pete. Yeah, I'll get back on track. Sorry, I had that vis visualization of Peter in my head there for a second. So, anyhow, where was I? Yes, so knowing that we have love languages and then trying to figure them out. So, anyhow, so huh treating others as we would want to be treated. So that's not always the case. That's not always their love language. What might be my love language may not be their love language. So then we sit back and we wonder, why why do people why don't they feel appreciated? Why are they being disengaged? Why does it feel like I'm giving everything and it's not landing? Okay, here's the truth. Just because I feel like I'm giving value doesn't necessarily mean they're receiving it. That's a tough pill to swallow. And I remember I showing up, I'm killing myself, and it's like, why are they not picking up what I'm putting down? But it's real. Okay, so so what are the love languages of business? The only way that I feel like I can break this down the simplest way, into I don't know, a few key points that I've seen over the years.

What People Need At Work

Ty Cobb Backer 15:36

You know, some people simply just want clarity. If if they don't know exactly what winning looks like, they don't feel secure, they don't feel valued, they feel lost. Okay. Other people need recognition, need those pats on the butt, they need, you know, you're doing a great job. You could pay them well, and this is the thing I've noticed too. Give them opportunities, but if you never say great job, none of that matters. They they feel almost invisible, you know, and then some people need trust, okay? They don't need micromanaged, they don't need checked in on all the time. Because what happens is if you start micromanaging and you're checking in, even though I'm just usually just checking in, I find that I'm draining them. Okay, but if I give them ownership, they come alive. I've watched it, I've watched it in numerous people. I've watched it, I've watched Vic. List goes on. Just grow and blossom the moment they take ownership, the moment that we give them ownership, they come alive. And then there are people who just need to know I matter here. Okay, not just an employee, but as a team member, as a person, as a human. And here's where I've messed this, I've messed this up a lot. We default, I have defaulted back to my language, right? John, what's up? Words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch. Which one are you, Johnny? All the above. Need them all. I need them all. Tell me I'm doing a good job. Gift the shit out of me. I love gifts, surprise gifts. Like swag. Brad Whitlock, what's up, dude? So by default, I show beef sticks. Absolutely freaking lully, right? Beef sticks and what else, Vic. Yeah, Pete, you're kind of a weirdo. Like I go to hug you and you're kind of like you. So I don't Yeah. Anyhow, plus you're part of HR, so I don't know if I can pat you on the butt. You might take that the wrong way. Brad Whitlock, yes, eggs. Thank you, Peter. Beef sticks and eggs. C Pete, you know. What kind of eggs? Physical touch, yeah. Pickled. That's right. Gotta love you people. All right. So, anyhow. I tend to show my my love languages. Sometimes it aligns with people, sometimes it doesn't align with people, right? If you're wired for results, okay, you lead with pressure and performance. I've done that, been there. If you're wired for encouragement, lead with praise. I've done that, I've done that well, I've done that poorly. Sometimes I've been wired for control, right? I lack structure. Sometimes it's very structured, right? But our team, they're all different, but same. A lot of similarities there. And and if we don't take the time to learn how they receive value, then we create distance, we create frustration. And in today's world, like Reggie had mentioned, and I think he coined the phrase, quiet quitting. Okay. I've seen this play out so many times in our own companies. I've had guys and girls who didn't need me to check in on them every day, they needed space, okay? But I gave them attention, okay. And when I gave them attention, it felt like pressure, and I didn't really mean to to do that, okay. And I've had I've had others who needed constant feedback, and I assume they're good, okay. And I gotta watch that because sometimes I get so tied up in my own shit, it's kind of like I forget to give feedback. Okay, but in their minds, they they don't feel seen, okay. Same effort, different impact. Okay, so what can we do about this?

How To Spot Someone’s Language

Ty Cobb Backer 20:56

Like I mentioned earlier, it starts with awareness. Okay, we know this now. We know people have love languages and what they are. John posted them what they are in here, okay. Janet's like, I can't, she just can't. There's a lot of physical touching that happens at work, not not with men and women, but but with the men. A lot of butt butt taps and handshakes and all that good stuff. So anyhow, so getting off track again. So it begins with awareness. So you gotta start by asking, I don't know, better questions, right? How does this person operate? What motivates them? What drains them? When Are they at their best? Okay. And here's a simple one. And I I started doing this. Okay. Watch what they complain about. Okay. And this this applies to everybody. This isn't just, you know, this with anybody that works within an environment that has other people, a parent, your partners, your children, okay, watch what they complain about. That usually points directly to what they value. If they're frustrated about lack of communication, they need clarity. If they're frustrated about not being noticed, they need recognition. If they're frustrated about being micromanaged, they need trust. And I'll say this too.

Intentional Leadership Without Lowering Standards

Ty Cobb Backer 22:58

This doesn't mean lowering your standards. Okay? This doesn't mean coddling people necessarily. This means leading people, your family, effectively. Because the best leaders, the best parents don't treat everyone the same. Key word here, intentionally. They treat everyone intentionally. Okay. Believe me, I am still working on this. I am far from mastering it. I don't know if I ever will. Only because of people's behaviors change, they mature, they things change. So I'll probably always be working on this. And I and quite frankly, I want to be. So I haven't mastered it yet, but I can tell you this. The more that I've leaned into understanding people in general, okay, especially at work, the better our culture has gotten, the better our retention has gotten. And honestly, the more fulfilled I've gotten as a leader, okay, because now I'm not just leading a business, I'm leading people in a way they can actually feel. Okay. And so as we wrap this up, okay, today's episode. Can't believe it's 334 already. That's what is that, five and a half or six, six and a half. Huh? Why do I always forget this? Let me figure this out real quick. That's almost six and a half freaking years already. All right, episode 334, six plus. So I want to take a moment to recognize something very, very, very, very important. I should have probably said this early on.

Memorial Day Reflection And Connection

Ty Cobb Backer 25:09

Okay, so we're heading into Memorial Day weekend. And while for many of us, that means time with family, cookouts, maybe a little rest. Okay, at the core of it, it's about remembering the men and the women who gave everything for our freedom. The ultimate, that is the ultimate act of service. Okay. And I think I think I think there's something powerful in that. Okay, because it reminds us that people don't just remember what you say, they remember what you do, they remember how you made them feel. So as you go into this weekend, okay, and I'm gonna do this too. I'm gonna practice this. I'm gonna, I'm gonna be ha Zach. Me too, brother. Anyhow, so as you go into this weekend, okay, be present with your family, be grateful for the opportunities we have, and maybe, maybe even reflect a little on how you're showing up for the people around you, and at home, and at work. Are you speaking their language? Are you feeling what you're trying to give? Are they because leadership at its core is about connection, it truly is. It's about connecting, connecting and meeting them where they're at.

Share This And Subscribe

Ty Cobb Backer 27:10

Okay, so if this episode hit home for you, share it with someone on your team, have a conversation about it, start paying attention to it because small shifts like these, okay, can make a massive, and I mean massive difference. I appreciate you guys for being here. We'll see you next time on Behind the Tool Belt.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

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